Written by Naomi Jones
This blog post is in collaboration with Oxford University Press.
Starting School
I love September – the autumnal feeling in the air and the back-to-school, or starting school, vibe always feels like a new beginning, (and an excuse to buy new stationery).
The prospect of starting school can make you feel both excited and nervous no matter what age you are, but those feelings can be especially big for very young children transitioning from nursery to school.
My boys are eight and ten now, but I still remember how excited they were on their first days of school. They looked so grown up in their new uniforms, and so small compared to all the older pupils.
Although my kids were excited to walk into their new classrooms, they both found it hard to say goodbye at the door.
It’s not unusual for children to find it difficult to separate from their parents or caregivers. My eldest son found it hard for a few weeks and was fine after that. But despite the fact he had lots of friends and liked his teachers and class, my youngest son struggled with separation anxiety on and off for a few years.
Do your homework
Before your child starts school, they will probably have had the chance to have a few settling in days with their new teacher. In addition to this, many schools also arrange for children to start in a staggered fashion during September to help ease them into it.
If your child is feeling nervous about starting school, or struggles with change, you can help them prepare for this by doing a little homework. Even simple things like talking about teacher’s names, what an assembly is, or what might happen at break times and lunch can really help them become more familiar with what happens during a school day.
Reading picture books set in schools can be helpful too as the story and images often provide the opportunity for plenty of discussion around a school day. School is quite an abstract concept when you’re small, especially if you’ve only been at nursery before, so the more familiar you can help it feel, the better.
My eldest son likes to know what’s happening - if your child is the same you could draw a weekly planner and add in pictures to show who is picking them up and dropping them to school each day. If your child will be in a breakfast club, or afterschool club, you can add images to reflect this too.
Using a hug button
When my son started finding drop offs tricky, I tried everything I could think of but in the end, it was using a hug button which really helped. Every morning for over a year we’d take turns to draw ‘hug buttons’ on the inside of each other’s wrists so we could send each hugs all day long, even when we were apart.
Our hug buttons looked like a small circle with a dot inside, but yours could look like a mini heart, or even another shape. A hug button can take whatever form you like as long as yours matches with your child. They are a simple visual reminder of the connection between you that shows your child you’re still with them, even when apart.
Using a hug button really helped my son and it was the inspiration behind my latest picture book The Hug Button which tells the story of Matilda who suffers with separation anxiety too.
I hope reading this story and using a hug button will help lots of other families, from children who really struggle with anxiety for months like my youngest son, to those who just find it hard for a week or two like my eldest.
What else can you do to help?
If your child is feeling nervous about starting school, or struggles with separation anxiety when they get there, don’t panic. It can be so hard as a parent when your little one is in distress but there is lots you can do.
Encourage your child to talk to you about how they’re feeling. Ask them open ended questions about what it is that they find hard about saying goodbye. Do they simply miss you? Or is there something at school they’re finding particularly hard?
Books can be really good way to talk to children about their emotions too. Seeing a character in a book experience something can be a great way to talk about an issue in a less direct way. You could ask them how they think a character feels and what they could do next.
Books also offer the opportunity to see solutions and practical advice modelled. In my picture book Thunderboots, Trixie likes school but finds reading and writing harder than her friends. When she confides in her Dad, he helps her come up with a solution together.
Another top tip is to always meet your child at pick up with a big hug and a snack! Both of them are (still) ravenous at pick up so a healthy snack is essential.
Don’t pressure your child to talk about what they’ve done if they don’t want to, some need a little processing time first. All children are different, my eldest didn’t ever want to talk about his day until bedtime, whereas my eldest like to tell me what he’d done straight away.
If your child is still struggling, it can also be helpful to your child’s teachers. You could explain what your child’s concerns are and see if you can come up with a plan to help make drop offs go smoother.
As a Mum, I know how hard it can be when your child cries and clings to you at the school gates. I always tried to say calm in the moment but afterwards, once my son was in his classroom, and often even after the teacher had called me to say he was happy and had stopped crying as soon as I was out of sight, I felt like crying myself. Do make sure you find someone to talk to about your own feelings and give you a hug too.
Hugs are good for us, no matter our age and I hope using the hug button helps your little one ease into school life.
Naomi Jones is an award winning children’s author. Her books have been translated into 20 languages and she now lives with her family in Cornwall.
You can find out more about Naomi on her website, substack, and Instagram.
